Thursday, October 13, 2005
a big broad smile
as expected, here's a post. things don't come by for no rhyme nor reason. if you connect a mood-o-meter to my heart, you will see it go beyond the lowest point. and of cos, the reason is here and there, only that few. and amongst them, the only one that can hit me the most.
apparently (at least to me. just my assumption. doesn't call for some major overthrowing), he had dropped an enormous fullstop for me. tell me to stop trying. i'm tired of saying i'm tired but anyways, in this case, i'm not tired. i'm just shattered. i tried to be nice and take a picture of my tears so as to let my readers have a good laugh but a phone's camera is never good enough to capture details like that. i was in fact SMILING so brilliantly as my tears streamed. YES I MEAN STREAM, not drip or wet my face or brimmed my eyes. the pain was so physical that i am starting to love the pain that has more or less became a habit.
been a long long time that i lost the meaning of 'play play'. i dealt with every relationship with sincerity, with trust, and everything i could offer. these were toyed and tampered with, returned to me in crushed form. i fell, each time so hard, so bad. i had to cope with the struggle deep inside alone. no matter how many helping hands lent, they can never rewind the time, and bring me to the right path. i was alone, even till now. no one could decide anything for me, no one could feel another individual's heartbreak. the last time i fell, i swore that there could be no further mistakes. i closed my door till this promising man came knocking. this promising man who this day, brought me down again. i misjudged. all men change, don't try to make any exception for any one of them. some for the better, more for the worse. of cos, not gonna deny the fact that it could be due to the doings of the women, but still, MEN CHANGE.
he might be listing in his mind the incidents that happened, that made him see that there's no point to remain the same (and made me say he's changed). yes i know i was not good. i am demanding, annoying, and everything bad. but i was worse before, and did not hear an utter from him before. maybe a little sigh but definitely not scold. and so it seems to me that after he's achieved something, no point to treasure. why don't you throw me away since so?
of cos, i saw his posts. more late nights with his beloved bibi. i smiled, yes i did. not becos i felt happiness, but becos i didn't see it earlier. i just did, and now it turned miserable. now that he just dropped me off and sped off, it is goddamn miserable. let's not talk about this, i cannot handle.
and i kept quiet when asked about him by friends. i really didn't have idea on his whereabouts. if you don't know, he hardly calls me. he doesn't msg me. always away in msn. so i was wrong to keep quiet, cos i believed he must be sleeping, but yet refuse to voice out things that were merely assumptions. sadly my boyfriend don't like to go home, so he stays out late. i don't call or sms him anymore cos i want him to sleep. rest, that is what he need. cos he love sleeping. top on the list. much as it sound sarcastic, i guess it's concern. nevermind if he doesn't have time for me, nevermind if he wants to contradict himself. i know my explanation but who's listening? anyway, i don't know how to voice them out.
he is very very very pissed with me right now, reason being - i don't know, no fucking idea. i don't want to be scolded. i won't ask, cos on my side i'm scolding myself for my stupidity as well. i bet i did something so sickening it disgusted him.
yes, that was the underside of our story. ain't that good afterall huh?
why do you always go all solemn after something happened?
is it too late?
- 6:47:00 PM
____________________________________________________________________
valued creeps
BUBU
bestie
since 1998
great laugher, horrible classmate,
female duet, weeding partner
________________________________________________________
JAMIE
honeh
since 2000
always on my side, club partner,
digresser, great companion
________________________________________________________
WEESIN
sister
since 1999
duet partner, confidant,
sibei onz, trustworthy
________________________________________________________
CLARA
meanie
since 2005
scream-2-gather
________________________________________________________
JEWEL
meanie
since 2005
similarities, like-minded
________________________________________________________
ALEXANDER
boyfriend
since 2000
ah blah blah blah
________________________________________________________
INCOMPLETE
BUY ME SOME
a best friend
samsung z500
peak&pine lovely bikini on pastel pink & frills
levi's pattyann
black framed glasses
all the fucking royce choc
30" or so baby piglet
poh heng - "my name" piglet bracelet
pink chiffon tube dress with center frills
gojane tube
abercrombie bianca
sandisk transflash memory card
24" christmas collection piglet
international driving licence
levi's type1 shorts
burberry timepiece
dior shades
yamaha's silent cello
a customized jigsaw puzzle of our picture
gold baby piglet
"The Lion Roars" Dvd/Vcd
pohheng's piglet in love hoop
pendant
nikon coolpix s5
adidas m.e.
our starcruise
adobe photoshop cs2
that danielyam dress
dinner at prima tower
'heart-to-get' guess watch
need for speed: most wanted
yorkshire terrier
coach hamptons signature perforated large carryall
osim upapa LOL but I'M DEAD SERIOUS
levis ladies style black/pink frame specs
coach business - lanyard
burberry nova check satchel
motorazr maxx v6
movies
wet dreams 2
fantastic 4
red candy
the maid
charlie and the chocolate factory
wedding crashers
the island
sin city
the truth about love
bewitched
land of the dead
one more chance
red eye
herbie fully loaded
the brothers grimm
the dukes of hazzard
night watch
a sound of thunder
the longest yard
the cave
the red shoes
the skeleton key
corpse bride
deuce bigalow - european gigolo
devils rejects
40-year-old virgin
cello
wig
transporter2
M.A.I.D
chicken little
aeonflux
oliver twist
the exorcism of emily rose
zathura
sky high
tom-yum-goong
king kong
prime
the descent
the promise
a chinese tall story
wallace & gromit - the curse of the were-rabbit
the family stone
in her shoes
memoirs of a geisha
elizabethtown
the dark
the fog
fun with dick and jane
cheaper by the dozen 2
rumor has it
zoolander
the pink panther
munich
underworld evolution
dorm
transamerica
date movie
v for vendetta
nanny mcphee
hills have eyes
failure to launch
yours mine & ours
ultraviolet
ice age 2
the wild
firewall
art of seduction
reincarnation
tristan&isolde
inside man
when a stranger calls
poseidon
the da vinci code
x-men: the last stand
over the hedge
cars
slither
benchwarmers
she's the man
superman returns
just my luck
scary movie 4
RV
the nun
garfield 2
nacho libre
hoodwinked
the lake house
lady in the water
click
my super ex-girlfriend
the ant bully
adam apples
the break-up
barnyard
monster house
the devil wears prada
lovewrecked
little man
pulse
stay alive
you, me and dupree
john tucker must die
friends with money
gigolo wannabe
rob-b-hood
talladega nights
death note
world trade center
the convenant
flushed away
material girls
step up
happy feet
tenacious d
open season
night at the museum
death note 2 the last name
borat
just follow law
norbit
i'm a cyborg but that's ok
300
stomp the yard
mr bean's holiday
because i said so
the hills have eyes 2
200 pounds beauty
meet the robinsons
shrek3
spider lilies
surf's up
evan almighty
ratatouille
hairspray
and becos of honey...
chronicles of narnia
mission: impossible III
the fast and the furious: tokyo drift
pirates of the caribbean: dead man's chest
snakes on a plane
miami vice
casino royale 007
eragon
ghost rider
tmnt
spiderman3
pirates of the caribbean: at world's end
harry potter and the order of the phoenix
tranformers
the bourne ultimatum
rush hour 3
